It has been 5 years since I started my journey. On September 15, 2009, I joined Weight Watchers for the last time. Of course, it was probably my 10th time joining, if not the 20th! I weighed in at 245.8 pounds, and I was squeezing into a size 20. As of September 16, 2014, I weighed in at 156.2, and I am wearing a size 6 or 8. I’m 10.4 pounds from my ultimate goal of losing 100 pounds, but I have to take a minute and reflect on how far I have come.
Sometimes I still get frustrated with my size and appearance, and then I remember where I started. I used to fit (barely) into these size 20 pants. I used to dread wearing dress pants because they were so uncomfortable. Here I am now in the size 20 pants.
It is still mind boggling to me that I used to fit into those pants. One of my legs used to be as big as BOTH of my legs now!!! The picture below is me wearing size 6 pants. I never DREAMED that I would ever be wearing single digit sizes. When I started, I was just hoping to get back to a size 14!!
I lost 90 pounds in about a year and a half, but I never made it to 100. I shifted my focus from losing on to other things, and I didn’t keep setting goals for myself as I did when I was losing. Maintaining also turned out to be harder than expected. I gained and lost 10 pounds a couple of times over the past 3 years. At one point, I had even gained 20 pounds and had to buy bigger pants!!! I fought my way back, and this time I am not stopping. I am going to keep going to my 100 pound goal and beyond. I am going to work on building muscle tone and losing the last of my rolls, even if they are small rolls. 😀 It’s pretty annoying to lose almost 90 pounds and still have back fat! UGH!
My point is this: DO NOT GIVE UP. I did not set out intending or believing that I would lose this much weight. I did not have a magic formula. I just stuck with it. There were bad meals, bad days, and bad months, but I knew that I never wanted to go back to 245 pounds. That girl was miserable. I am not willing to be that girl again.
I have learned many lessons over the last 5 years. The hardest and most recent lesson is both annoying and freeing. I recently realized that I will never be “fixed” or “cured.” I will always have food issues. However, I keep learning and improving, and the issues are easier and easier to deal with. I can manage my challenges now, and I have healthier behaviors and habits now. I say it’s annoying because I have worked so hard, and I kept wanting it to become easy. Then I realized that easy is what got me to 245 pounds. When I finally stopped searching for the end or the solution, a burden was lifted off my shoulders. I don’t have to keep searching for the end. There is no end. I just have to keep improving. Things are easier every day, and they will keep getting easier.
Stay tuned for my series of posts on the Habits of a Loser, where I’ll go into more detail about all the changes I’ve made, small and large. The most important thing is to keep going. Take one step at a time. Make small, sustainable changes. Dismiss the all or nothing thinking. Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up. You are worth it.